The book cover

Throughout my life me and my sister Amy have revelled in telling each other how smelly the other is and in a spurt of sheer genius I decided to win the smell game once and for all. I have topped the dubious limericks and even more dubious shakespeare quotes (hubble bubble toil and trouble, fire burn and Amys bum bubble, that’s why she smells so bad) and have gone for the big guns, I wrote a book, dad illustrated it and we got 50 copies printed! Written as a kids book for her girls and also appealing to adults with our slightly odd sense of houmour, I called it lovingly “How Mummy Smells“. It tells the story of 2 girls trying to best the other in saying how foul their mother smells, from comparing her to manure and sewers to comparing each others smell to the infinte minging aromas of their mother. Of course it has a good moral ending!

Mummy smells pretty bad!

So Amy, thank you for the inspriation and for getting me started on the literary path! After all I do still love you even if you do smell so bad that there is an environmental warning tatooed on your ass!

Tabby playing with new toys

My lovely little nieces were turning one so the family decided to go down to London for their party. Of course the weather wasn’t going to make that easy. What is usually a 6.5 hour journey from my flat to my sisters turned into a 3 train, 2 tubes, very snowy, rather cold and very busy 11 hour one. We traveled on a a very busy train through feet of snow which stretched all down the country, even into London. Though London only had a shallow covering. By the time we got there the little ones were asleep in bed and I was ready for a drink and an early night.

The next day I started early at about 5:30 as I was sleeping on my sisters sofa and apparently 5:30 is a good time to get up when you are one! After bottles and breakfast and once father got over from his hotel it was on to present opening. So out came the camera. The lighting was hard to deal with as 2 walls are all windows and the other walls are white, leaving the middle where babies were quite dark and the babies back lit. The flash bounced everywhere. But I got the hang of it and kept the iso high at around 800-1600 and only used the flash as a fill from a distance as had the remote on, I kept the F number low to keep the shutter speed up as the wee ones are not so good at staying still anymore so needed high shutters so they wouldn’t blur with movement. But as they are so beautiful it is hard to get a bad shot ( yes I may be a bit biased).

Georgie at her Party

The day after we had a little party for them and invited some of their wee friends. So it was off with the zoom and on with the wide as space was getting a bit short. Fortunately they have very photogenic friends too and I got some lovely shots of babies and parents, again using the remote flash from a distance. It was all good fun with balloons, chocolate cakes and lots of toys, and I’m glad to say the favourites were book, MegaBloks and musical instruments, all very educational. Only 1 and already Geniuses!

Too soon it was time to go home and I had to leave my beloved nieces and sister behind and have another 11 hour journey, including 2 long cold hours in Edinburgh station, home. But as much as I miss them, I do love this country and was very glad to get home again. And even though they live in smelly old London, the 22 hours of cold and busy travel were well worth it to see them all.

Georgie showing Tabby how to play with the new toys!

The Sun Slidding Down Behind The Olympic Site

The time had come to visit my sister and her family in London again. So it was on to the 6 hour train journey on a busy train where I had a sandwich and plum drama, leaving myself little to eat, my walkman phone (cheap in the meantime one after the last took a leap down a drain) decided it only wanted to play music for 20 mins before going all weird and when I got on some woman was asleep in my booked seat! All in all not the best journey. However my sister meet me at kings cross with her beautiful girls and guided me back through the underground maze to her flat in east London. Where we played with pearl, stitch, McMickey and McMinne until the girls dad traumatised them with a surprise McMickey attack. After the girls had eaten, well thrown around, their dinner and they’d had their baths,  the sun set over the Olympic site with a flash of colour and bringing beauty to the overly huamised area. I may detest London but it does have its moments. Natural beauty sliding down behind industrial construction. Leaning out the window on my tiptoes and balancing the camera on the frame I squeezed off a few shots with a a low ISO and not too low a shutter speed so I wouldn’t flood sensor with light and lose the colour in the sky, there’s always more light at twilight than the naked eye sees.

The next day we had a trip to Valentines park after Georgie had tried to sneak out the door in her dads work bag. We had a lovely and not too expensive lunch there and enjoyed the sunshine in the haven of the lovely old mansion grounds. We all played in the shade of a tree and I let my sister take control of the camera and although she was terrified of dropping it, she didn’t do too bad at all. In order to let the girls sleep a while we wandered around the park, which is small but enjoyable and had a wee look in the mansion and wondered at how there were different rooms for different times of day, to go with the different outfits I assume. If I had that there would be a large part of the day I would have to stay in the bathroom, wonder if it is better to make that the morning room as the afternoon one? Then it was back on the dirty tubes with all the rude people and through the busy stations with lifts not working so had to lift the double buggy up the stairs. God knows what you’re meant to do if you’re in a wheelchair! Then more photo fun at home with the girls, more throwing food around and smiling and laughing at each other and climbing and crawling or belly dragging and standing and bouncing. All in all a good day. By the end of it we were all shattered even McMickey who Tabby was tentatively touching again. So just after 10 I settled down to the lights of the city spreading out to forever over the horizon and worried about how Errols paw was to be fixed and if he could stay together until we got home.

On my last day after Tabby tried to sneak out in daddys bag (well anything her sister can do she can do too), we whiled away the morning with play in the cage, sorry the fabulous fun arena or play palace until nap time. Once naps were over we did a quick football photo shoot for a special photo for our grandad. My sister had both an England and a Scotland top, though she claims she only bought the England one to impress her now husband and only wore it once exclusively for him. So we dressed the girls in them and Georgie was not happy, but not surprising as she was in the England one. They say in the photo business, never work with children and animals and I can see why, we didn’t have much time and Georgie wouldn’t smile and they kept looking away for the camera, but we did get some very cute shots.

Tabby and Georgie on their football shoot

After this it was back to kings cross with me where I said goodbye to my wonderful nieces and fabulous sister who must be shattered all the time as I found twins are very hard work and that was with 2 of us there! She is pretty amazing and manages to stay happy and positive throughout the dramas of parenthood. Of course her husband and his wit help with that as does the fact that he dotes on his girls. After kisses all round I board the not so busy train back North with only a few tears in my eyes. Although I always wish I could stay with my sister and her family, I’m always more than glad to travel back up north, away from the flat plains where you can see for too far and back in to the hills and the chill of my beautiful Scotland.

As my sister was up with her husband and twins we had arranged to go over to my uncles house to see the Kelman side of the family. As there were too many people for one car me hired a 2nd so each had a baby and 2 adults per car. We got to Kelman central just as my father was pacing a hole into the paving in anticipation of seeing the twins, which he had spent the day before with. I had the most important person (except the babies) with me as I had picked him up on the way. My grandad, who at 94 is the oldest Kelman, so as I also had the younger twin in the car I had the oldest and youngest Kelmans, (well technically Tabby is not a Kelman but close enough). Father forgot to say hello to myself, my sister and his father and was straight to grandchilden.

Oldest and youngest of the clan

After Uncle Alex had managed to feed the clan and ensure we all had something to drink we enjoyed the day out in his garden which thankfully is quite large as with 7 children and a host of adults we needed a lot of space. I got out the camera to capture the gathering, especially grandad with the twins as he had requested such a shot.  The day was hot but muggy and the light awful, but I managed to get some nice shots. I had to keep the aperture a bit higher then I’d like as when you work with children the problem is they keep moving and if the depth of field is too short they go out of focus as they have moved between the setting the focus and pressing the shutter (dam fast things children!). This however left the problem with background being too busy especially with all the people milling around. In the end it was down to a lot of photoshop work to get the best shots. I found myself using a lot of monotone to get a good depth and contrast to the shots and also added a bit of grain to a couple to give them that little something more. Unlike lots of people I like high contrast in portrait shots, like dark shadows even on the face, but The light was too flat for this and the flash was just a bit too much trouble as it just gave babies something else to eat or older kids something else to stand on.

Most of the shots were of the babies of the clans, Tabby, Georgie and my cousins little girl Lottie. They were happy around the camera and were quite eager to eat it and put little fingerprints on the lens. Some of the best shots were taken by using the auto focus and putting the camera down in front of them and relying on the wide angle to give a good shot, but of course this is how the little fingers got all over it. Guess that’s what lens wipes are for though. The older boys (my cousins’ children) were too busy running around and playing football to get their photos taken but we did get a shot of all the kids together at the end.  Most important is we did the photo of grandad and the twins, the meeting of 4 generations. Grandad was wonderful as always and adored being with the new generation, so much so when the adults retired inside he decided to stay outside claiming that he couldn’t hear what everyone was saying inside was just going to say outside. Us Kelmans are a stubborn lot. My cousins husband had a term for this kind of behaviour, a Kelmanism, which is when we say or do something with such certainty others will believe it is right, regardless of weather it is. My eldest sister definitely does this and once made myself and my other sister believe that the sun was the other side of the moon!

Clan children

All in all it was a good day and was great to be with family, even if my own parents forgot to speak to their own children and went straight to the grandchildren. We enjoyed introducing the twins to the clan and gave them some early warning of what is to come and how stubborn and argumentative their family can be, but also how loving and accepting. Us Kelmans don’t worry about what others may think as we know we are the best!!!! (a Kelmanism I believe!)

As my lovely sister has not moved back home to Scotland yet I had to brave horrid, smelly London again to see her and her family. I made the decision to go alone and that way i could actually talk to my sister about the non baby subjects as well as actually get to spend time with the children without grandparents stealing them! I traveled the 6 hours by train from sunny but cold Perth, through beautiful snowy scenes which I wish I could of photographed and run across (something about virgin snow that makes you want to put silly footprints in!), and into flat farmyards and skies that got duller and more miserable until we hit the big smoke itself. It was a long journey with lots of reading done but fortunately I got a double seat by myself the whole way, of course the fact I was spread across both with my earphones in, wearing my hoody and giggling to myself may have helped with that. I blame the giggling my Shifting sands of the Universe Prophet of course as it was his texts about a never ending series of cheerleader movies that amused me so much!

Anyway I digress! Once in the City I had to make my way to Liverpool street Station to meet my big sis. I managed to find the right tube to take me there, surprisingly easy actually! I whizzed through the tunnels sensing the history lurking in the darkness and the mysteries they held, but made it safe to Liverpool Street. Now the thing is that London can be very beautiful if you look hard enough. Kings Cross, St Pancras and Liverpool street stations are lovely if you bother to stop and look, which most people don’t. Then there is my sis and her babies, obviously the most beautiful things in the whole city! And my saviours as they escorted me through the rest of the labyrinth that is the public transport system in London. And in east London I spent the next few days.

How big sis manages to cope with 2 babies all day everyday is a mystery to me as I was shattered after one day and there were 2 of us. She really is pretty amazing. Of course her Husband is very hands on and is brilliant with the twins but someone has to earn the money. The 1st night I helped with bath time and it was all splashing fun though a bit hard to amuse one while the other was being bathed, think an extra set of hands helped out there! As I am only auntie B (for Bero, don’t ask why!) I happily didn’t help with nighttime feeds and snuggled into my makeshift bed instead. Well some jobs are purely parents jobs!!!

Georgina and Tabitha at 3 months old

The city form Greenwich Park

The next day we went to Greenwich park and after being annoyed at the very small lift which the double buggie only just fit into (so much for being disability accessible, a wheelchair user would of really struggled) we walked into the Haven of the park. It is a pretty impressive park and has a random deer enclosure that you can only view from a rather small area, a duck pond that wasn’t dreamt, and of course the Greenwich observatory on the meridian line and the center of time!!! well ok maybe not the last bit, but it sounded good and it does have a time named after it. Once up the hill (which is pretty steep so somehow I ended up pushing) the view is pretty impressive, the city spreads out in front of you and you can see how it has built up over the years. London looks so urban beautiful and peaceful from up there, pity you can’t see that once in the dirt and grime of the streets. Us grown ups enjoyed the park but the babies slept through the whole thing! So much for educating them in the outside world. Once back home to east London it was onto feed time, then play time, tummy time, nap time and feed time again before bedtime. Pretty much non stop but the girls are so lovely with their little personalities starting to show through and smiles and tongue sticking out rewarding us it is worth every minute.

The 3rd day we went to the more local Westham park and fed the squirrels who came to take the nuts out of out hands, very cute. Again another little haven from the city and me and big sis had deep meaningful talks and some not so meaningful ones while again the twins slept through it all. Hard life being a baby and all. Then back home to feed and play times and a bit grumpy times for Georgie! But we had a new play mat to try out so that kept us all amused for a while. I helped Tabitha figure out how to co-ordinate her hands, which she was so intrigued by that she couldn’t help staring at them. Which I guess is ok when you’re 3 months old and only just found them! Amazing to watch them develop, you can almost see the thought process in their faces. It was bath night again so I was hands on Auntie B and found that 2 hands are not enough when there are 2 babies, but think I did ok and the girls didn’t seem too bothered if I made any little mistakes and big sis seemed impressed with my efforts. Phew!

So soon it was time to head home and although I was keen to get out of London I wasn’t so keen on leaving my sister and nieces behind. Must admit I’d got rather attached to them all again and as my sis guided me through the labyrinth again, which was even worse than normal as 3 lines were not running, I did feel a bit teary. Leaving sis at Bank so she could go to pallattes class as her other half was looking after the kids I wished i could stay longer or even better she could move closer to me, after all I know she would rather be in Scotland. But I had had a lovely few days and got lots and lots of photos of very cute babies, even though I had had a few flash issues. Had borrowed Ian’s remote for the flash gun so it didn’t have to be attached to the camera and it took a while to get the settings right and also if I moved the wrong way the sensor wouldn’t pick up the flash and of course the girls kept moving just as I was about to take the perfect shot! However I did get over 400 shots so got a good 50 that were usable. Now I’m back home safe and sound and in the right country I do really miss them all and may have to brave the big smoke again soon to see them all.

The girls enjoying the jungle gym